Northwoods Boxers

*I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear

  when he's on the toilet.

*The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

*I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
  I'm lying under the coffee table.

*I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

*I must shake the rainwater out of my fur "BEFORE" entering the house.

*I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

*I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of  clean carpet in the house when I'm about to throw up.

*I will not throw up in the car.

*I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

*I will not lick my humans face after eating animal poop.

*"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

*I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit  them in the backyard after processing.

*The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

*I will not chew my humans toothbrush and not  tell them.

*I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the  red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

*When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

*We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

*I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all  over the back yard with it.

*The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom &  Dad's laps.

*My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

*I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches   in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.